Oh, cute!

I don’t know what you may have read about the Blackwater company. Perhaps you’ve heard about this. Or this. Or this. Or this. Or this.

I tried to hold off judgment, because sometimes mercenary armies fight for good. Maybe they’re the new GIJoe! And then today there was this headline, so I thought it was time to really check them out. I did a little investigating of my own. I went to their website, Blackwaterusa.com. And you know what? They don’t look any different from any other international corporation. In fact, in some ways, they’re more civil. You know what their Vision is? “To support security, peace, freedom, and democracy everywhere.” Are you going to argue with that? No, you’re not. Because you’re not Osama Bin Laden. And if you are, you still owe me 20 bucks.

Their employment requirements, by the way, are almost genteel:

· Weight must be proportionate to height.

· Must maintain a neat and clean appearance.

· Must be in good health and pass a physical test.

· Most positions require ability to obtain/maintain a secret or higher clearance.

· No history of major illness or mental disorder.

· Must have an Honorable Discharge and DD-214.

· No felony, violent crimes, spouse or child abuse convictions(NO WAIVERS)

See? They won’t even accept a waiver from a child abuser! Let’s see Greenpeace, aka The Haven for Baby-Beaters™ match that.

They also, for your convenience, have a gift shop, where you can buy everything from Christmas Ornaments to Stuffed Teddy Bears to Tactical Shorts. With the holiday season almost upon us, who doesn’t need Tactical Shorts?

Any company that sells teddy bears can’t be all bad, can it?