Thursday, August 28, 2008

I love the day at the DNC

How did David Strathairn get the nod to narrate Obama's biography video? Is it because he was so great as a blind guy in Sneakers? Or a guy who loved to watch chicks play baseball in A League of Their Own?

Right, the whole Edward Murrow thing in Good Night & Good Luck. Now it all comes together.

Michelle and Barack are a cute couple and all, but who goes to a community meeting on their first date? Cheap people, that's who. That would have been a dealbreaker for me.

Woohoo, student loans! Give it up for Pell Grants!

This may be the wrong night to ask this question, but I'm really curious: who is more defined by the prominence of his ears, Barack Obama, or Stephen Colbert? Is Colbert's whackjobness attributable to that rogue appendage? Seriously, it's trying to escape his head.

I have to apologize, I didn't really focus on the biography video. Solely based on the music, though, Obama's life was really depressing. I didn't know they had black kids in Dickens novels. Maybe pick some Kanye or Presidents of the United States of America, something to get the booty shakin'.

Thank Hillary Clinton? Check. Bill? Check. There, that's done. Now let us never speak of them again.

Again with the licking of the lips! Where's the Bert's Bees sponsorship when you need it? Or would that put Obama too close to the Big Wax lobby?

Clock it - just four minutes of positivity before the first knock on the Republicans.

"8 is enough." I loved that show. Makes for a good chant, too.

I'm not ready to take a 10% chance on change - now that's a buuuuuuurrrrrn.

The problem with bringing up the "nation of whiners" quote is that McCain can quote Obama directly - not his proxie - on how people are "bitter," and thus cling to "guns and religion."

I don't get the whole "footage of TV screens" thing. Doesn't CNN have access to those feeds in Maryland and Times Square? Watching TV watching TV is just weird.

Hooray! Real, substantive policy!

10! 10 years to wean ourselves off Middle Eastern oil! Which would be more impressive: Kennedy's man on the moon prediction, or energy independence? It's damn close, that's for sure.

Um, Barack? Ixnay on the eanclay oalcay and uclearnay owerpay. Not exactly the crowd to talk up Big Coal and Big...what, Uranium? Big Atom? Big Nuke? We've got to come up with some cheeky reference to the nuclear power lobby.

Whoa whoa whoa. The whole point of being a Democrat is so I don't have to worry about personal responsibility. If you're going to start making us do stuff, we're gonna, you know,

Un. Fucking. Believable. I know I'm supposed to keep up with the funny, but my sweet Lord this is an amazing speech. Did I say that Biden might be ready to speak on Thursday? After this, the bar is set way too high for anyone but Barack Obama to speak on Thursday. Obama's speech in 2004 was incredible, but

David the commentator asked me what I have against John McCain, why I hate heroes. I had some good lines ready - I fear the elderly, he's been eating out of Bush's hand ever since 2000, that I want a president who knows where he left his car keys, let alone the difference between Shias and Sunnis.

But you know what? Fundamentally it's about presence, and ability. Barack is presidential, and John McCain is not. Barack Obama has the wherewithal, the intelligence, and the integrity to succeed at the most powerful job in the world, and John McCain does not. John McCain is a war hero, no question. But Barack Obama is the next commander in chief.

But if Obama ends up giving us more empty rhetoric, and doesn't accomplish anything, I will rake him over the fucking coals. And they won't even be clean coals. Dirty, polluting coals, sprayed with plastic and Saudi Arabian oil.

1 comment:

Carl Spackler said...

On some level I look forward to saying I TOLD YOU SO. But, if that happens it is likely we will all be wearing Ä¡utrahs and eating Halal and praying 5 times a day. And when I say we, I mean WE as in the global we. Not just the Israel or America we. So lets be real… presence and ability? Presence? To quote Russell Tyrone Jones, Nigga Please! All the presidents since JFK had no presence. The only exception may be Clinton and presence was all that he had. And ability? If you think that 4 years in the Senate shows examples of Ability? how much was he actually representing during that time? As I see it he spent most of the time promoting himself and not his constituents. So don’t gimme that. We are living in a very crucial time in history, now is not the time to elect someone who has presence and no proven ability. Now, I am not saying that McCain has these things in abundance, but, he has a proven track record in the Senate and he has the fear of the Islamists. So has got that going for him. Also, an interesting fact about your hated war hero, to bring in some extra money during the Senate vacation he was a golf caddy over seas? He jumped ship in Hong Kong and made his way over to Tibet, and got on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, he told them that he’s a pro jock, and who do you think they give him? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, he’s on the first tee with him. He gave him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama said? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So they finished the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff him. So, John says, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So he’s got that goin' for him, which is nice. Especially since its likely over the next 4 (read-eight) years.