Blanche Lincoln (AR): to honor her family name Sen. Lincoln dedicated her yes vote “all the slaves owned by terrorists.” She also grew a beard and built a log cabin with her bare hands.
Mark Pryor (AR): Sen. Pryor split with the Democratic party line because of their refusal to support his Love Thy Sibling Act, which started as a voter referendum that passed by a record 98% in Arkansas.
Barbara Boxer (CA): didn’t vote. Unconfirmed reports placed her and Sen. Harkin attempting the difficult but deeply satisfying Congress of the Cow in the Millard Fillmore Coat Closet while roll was called.
Diane Feinstein (CA): Wanted badly to vote no, but was just too curious about what her neighbors were saying about her rose garden to let this opportunity pass her by. Incidentally, they think it’s exquisite. So it was totally worthwhile.
Ken Salazar (CO): “because fuck
Tom Carper (DE): according to his bio, fell in love with
Bill Nelson (FL): the President promised Sen. Nelson that if he voted yes he’d get to go take another trip on the Space Shuttle where he could enjoy all the drunken weightless sex he could handle.
Daniel Inouye (HI): did you know that smoking too much weed can make you confused and disoriented?
Evan Bayh (IN): the extra h stands for Hitler.
Tom Harkin (IA): didn’t vote.
Mary Landrieu (LA): as a self-proclaimed Senate leader in education from Louisiana, Sen. Landrieu knows there’s no better lesson than to show others how not to do something.
Barbara Mikulski (MD): The Senate’s Dean of Women learned that, while “no” definitely means “no,” no one ever told her what “yes” means.
John Kerry (MA): didn’t vote. Learned the hard way how the voting process can really screw him over. Take that, democracy!
Amy Klobuchar (MN): her “
Claire McCaskill (MO): Was worried Missoura would see her as too girlie if she voted no. After her “aye” vote, got some football buddies together and date-raped some cheerleaders. She’s all man now,
Ben Nelson (NE): If he doesn’t keep himself in the news Sen. Nelson might have to go back to
Kent Conrad (ND): figured the only way to keep
Byron Dorgan (ND): didn’t vote. Maybe if Sen. Conrad had returned Sen. Dorgan’s phone call, Sen. Dorgan might have known what he was supposed to do when his name was called.
Bob Casey (PA): replaced Rick Santorum. In preparation for each vote, drinks a tall glass of santorum to boost his confidence and remind him of his days at Holy Cross.
Tim Johnson (SD): didn’t vote. In fact, Sen. Johnson never votes unless the bill in question mentions
Jim Webb (VA): Rolling Stone called him the Senate’s Most Unlikely Revolutionary. After he voted yes, he grabbed some Tazo Teas from Starbucks and threw them in the
Patty Murray (WA): didn’t vote. Sen. Murray learned while growing up near