It's the Questions...

Questions that have tormented me ever since no one would tell me what “Smurfing” was (and no, I can’t find answers to these on Wikipedia.):

- Inspector Gadget. The Claw, Gadget’s nemesis. The Claw had a cat. What is the cat’s name?

- The Breakast Club. Judd Nelson crawling in the ceiling, tells a joke. “Naked woman walks into a bar with a 12-inch salami under one arm, and a poodle under the other. Bartender says, ‘I guess you won’t be needing a drink.’ Naked woman says’” and that’s where he falls into the library. WHAT? What does she say?

- Q-Tip can’t get off his ass and make another record? What else is he doing?

- Is it so hard to produce another You Can’t Do That on Television? I miss Moose, and Alastair, and wondering why Canadians can’t speak proper English.

- You’ve got the greatest defense in history. The best running back ever (until LT retires). A complete madman at QB. One of the best mustaches on a coach, ever. And a catchy theme song. How exactly were the Bears only able to squeeze out one Super Bowl win? Come on, the Giants? Joe “I get manicures because toenails are yucky” Montana?

- Lorne Michaels was able to produce the bizarre and awesome Kids in the Hall while presiding over the often mediocre SNL. No thoughts of a crossover? What exactly did Dana Carvey have over Dave Foley?

- Does it make me a bad Jew if I prefer Colbert to Stewart, and believe that Woody Allen is a whiny ugly pedophile, and that Johnnie was a cooler Ramone than Joey, and that Ben Stiller isn’t nearly funny enough to be in 7 or 8 movies each year?