Once you go black...

I was all set to write about my No Fear Player of the Month, Senator Ted Stevens, R-AK, who was found guilty on 7 felony counts of corruption and bribery. What makes him so gosh-darn indefatigable is that he is persisting in his Senate campaign. And because it's Alaska, home of rocks, oil, and Governor Tina Fey, he may be the first senator ever to serve his term from a jail cell. So hoorah to you, sir.

So I was going to snark all over that. And then I saw this:



He's dashing, he's daring, he smells like...our new President. Three cheers for the bus driver, bus driver man.

When I heard he was going to do this, I had several reactions. First, I wondered at the vast sums of money that allowed him to buy all that time: he's raised over $600 million in less than 2 years. That's 600 million dollars. 600. Million. He has so much money he's buying ad space in video games. He has raised so much money he's funding the next bailout. Obama has brought in so much cash he's making it rain, and he can afford to actually create precipitation instead of just throwing singles at strippers.

The next thing I thought about was how unbelievably self-indulgent the ad could be. The possibility of a front-runner for leader of the free world, having most of the country's attention to say...what, exactly? Would he take a crap on a picture of John McCain on camera? Hell, with that kind of money, he could pay McCain himself to appear in person and be pooped on, and still have enough left over to sway undecided voters in Virginia. Or would it just be footage of him speaking in that sweet sweet baritone, as Nubian princesses rubbed baby oil over his chiseled torso? Either way, it wasn't going to be pretty, and might just be the bump McCain needs at this late date to get back into the race.

So I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't too self-aggrandizing, it wasn't all that messianic, and he wasn't on camera nearly as much as he could have been. And while I thought Bill Richardson's beard was pathetic, for the most part the endorsers were pretty good.

Was it a transformative experience? No. Do I think it will change people's minds? Sure, why not. If you thought Barack Obama was a Muslim socialist who eats the hearts and livers of gentle white folk while listening to Public Enemy and snorting blow off an American flag, then you might be persuaded by the video. And it put to shame McCain's increasingly nasty message, given that McCain and Palin came up exactly not at all. So in that sense it was a clear plus for Obama.

What I would have liked to see - and it would have been underhanded, dirty, and hilarious - is 27 minutes of backroom footage of Palin trashing her meal ticket, and criticizing his campaign strategy.

"Oh, dat old guy doesn't know his yass from his yelbow, donchaknow."

Lord, she's appalling. I know she's got lots of kids, and an adoring husband who loves her but hates America and wants Alaska to secede, but I really want her to catch a football with her nose, Marcia Brady-style. That would make my day.

Don't get all huffy and say she doesn't deserve it. She's earned the broken nose. Just ask John McCain.