Monday, May 4, 2009

Im'a need me a bonin knife

Did you know that this is the Year of the Turducken? How have we made it to May and I have not shared this with you?

So 2009 is the Year of the Turducken on the Midwestern Heart Disease Calendar. Just as last year was Year of the Baby - and so it was - this year shall be the one in which I make a chicken, wrapped in a duck, wrapped in a turkey.

Damn right.

Do I have sufficient culinary experience? Nay. Do I have the intestinal fortitude to try this at home?

Maybe not. But I'm committed. I even started the research.

First: I have to learn how to debone. For this, I evidently need a boning knife. According to the Meat Man, this is the best one. And you listen to the Meat Man. So I'll have to get that.

Then I need to practice deboning. At first, it will probably happen to quickly, and with minimal satisfaction. After months of trying, though, I may be able to hold off for more than - that's right, there was the obligatory deboning/boning joke. Haha, sex is funny.

But back to the Frankenstein of Poultry. 2 days! That's how long it takes to make. Because you need to build the thing, and then it needs to cook for like 9 hours. There is one bright spot, though: I thought I was going to have to learn to sew, and it turns out that's not the case. So hooray, I suppose.

Wife is a little skeeved out by my enthusiasm for the project, and swears she won't try it. This is kind of a problem: not that she would make all that big a dent, but with 2 lbs of chicken, 5 lbs of duck, and 12 lbs of turkey, not to mention stuffing, that's over 20 pounds of food right there. And I alone could only eat maybe 15 of that.

So if anyone wants to come to Pittsburgh, and eat the animal that by all rights should have been created by G-d in the first place, there will be a heaping pile of turducken for you, probably sometime in the fall. I'll be shooting for Memorial Day, but it's just not gonna happen. I don't even have a boning knife yet.


Daddy Geek Boy said...

It's been a dream of mine to eat Turkducken. I know, I'm a simple man with simple dreams.

Good luck to you on your quest. Please post a follow up when you've accomplished your mission.

Rambling Man said...

Why would you tease and disappoint your loved ones who are traveling to you on the Memorial of Days?