Election Eve highlights

- Did you know that BET had election coverage? Say what you want about men with dreads in suits, but that guy could really break down an exit poll.

- CNN's holograms were a waste of money, and effort and completely sweet. I just can't wait for all the newscasters to do their thing via hologram. Not so much because it would change how they did it, but then they'd all be wrapped in a pretty purple aura. Because, like, auras are awesome.

- I was disappointed by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Was 2 hours of coverage really too much to ask? They couldn't pull it off with some more guests, or more Rob Riggle pants-less time? But Colbert was hilarious, so it's all good.

- What I missed from Fox's coverage? Weeping. I wanted tears, and questioning of Jesus' majesty, and ridiculous denial:
"Just remember, folks, they thought Dewey had defeated Truman. And Dewey wasn't even bla- I mean liberal!"
"People lie in exit polls all the time. Is it so hard to understand how that dishonesty could extend into the polling booths as well? Voters actually lying to the government about who they want as president? For shame, America."
"Barack who? No, that guy is McCain's butler. McCain's just letting him give the victory speech because he's busy drinking mint juleps and watching Sarah Palin pick up pens off the floor. MMMMMM, Governor Tight-Ass indeed. What was that? We're on the air? ... I don't believe you."

- Has Al Franken won yet?

- I think it speaks volumes for Alaska that they still might reelect Ted Stevens. Let it go, folks. He's going to jail, I don't know how much he can get you in earmarks and wasteful projects while he's being ass-raped by Jojo.

- As a Jewish community professional focused on continuity and strengthening Jewish identity, I can't tell you what a marketing coup it is having Rahm Emmanuel as Obama's chief of staff. This is sure to bring in at least another three hundred dollars in donations. Maybe even 350.

- I'm not sure, but I think Wife let Child vote for her. We had touchscreens here in Pennsylvania, and Child was in the B-Jorn, and his hands were waving all over the place as they are wont to do, and all I'm saying is they spent a lot of time in that booth.

- John McCain gave a gracious, respectful concession speech. Who knows how things could have turned out for him if all of his campaign speeches had been like that?

- There was talk about what Sarah Palin would be doing now that the election is over, and she tanked McCain's campaign. Analysts gave 2 choices: a presidential run in 2012, or Hollywood reporter. Which I guess for her skillset there's really no other choices.

- Oh, I don't know if you heard this, but Obama is going to be the next president of these United States. I don't know what this means for the country, but I do know one thing for certain: his will be the most-mentioned middle name since Franklin Delano Roosevelt. We should just start calling him BHO and get it over with.

- And no, now that this is over I have no idea what I'm going to write about all the time. Probably porn. Yeah, porn it is.