Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Excuse me, I have to go drop $50 in an envelope and leave it under this guy's car

Goodbye, Cedric Benson.
Hello Adrian Peterson the Lesser.
I'm conflicted about rooting for Benson's injury. Wait, that's not uncertainty - that's euphoria. My bad.

For all of you who don't understand the obsession with the Sex Cannon, see the 4th and goal pass to a lunging Bernard Berrian at the end of the game. Brian Griese doesn't make that pass. Actually, we'd never know if he could, because he wouldn't have led 2 touchdown drives in 4 minutes to set up the play. The complete list of quarterbacks who could make that throw:

- Tom Brady's jaws
- Peyton Manning's forehead
- Tony Romo's killer abs (he's a Wisconsin boy, who am I to knock him?)
- Brett Favruh
- Grossman

Again the defense was lacking, and again I shall explain it away by citing injuries to the secondary, and the brain mites slowly consuming Brian Urlacher's medulla oblongata.

11 runback touchdowns in 27 games. The record is 13, in 227 games. When will people stop kicking to Devin Hester entirely? G-d bless special teams coaches, who persist in thinking their coverage teams are sufficient. Don't forget your shortbus pass, guys.

And can someone start working on a quality nickname for Mr. Hester? I think Jesus Christ is already taken, but maybe we can call him Kali, after the many-limbed Hindu goddess of death.

All in favor? It's settled, then. Kali, back to return the kick...Oh my lord, he's flying down the field, consuming the souls of would-be-tacklers! It's horrible, but I can't look away...What a cutback! Touchdown, Kali!

UPDATED: Suck it, Pats fans.

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