TI, I knew you had my Glock. You said you gave it back, and I believed you. So I yelled at Wife for hiding it, and then the kids cried, and I had to drag them back to their cages. But there it is – my gun, with its Hello Kitty sticker, for the whole world to see. Why do you keep torturing Jesus with your lies?
I bet you still have my hedge trimmer too, you jerk. Look at my hedges! Don’t turn away. Look at them! They’re repulsive! Everyone on the block walks by and laughs at them. My youngest son Sunshine was crying again when he got home from school today. You know why, TI? He didn’t say, but it’s probably because his snot-nose friends have seen my hedges, and they know you haven’t returned my gun, so I can’t hunt them down like last time.
You’re the worst neighbor ever. Keep the damn trimmer, I don’t even care anymore. Just make sure the Feds give me back my gun. I have some middle-school kids to hunt down.