This is what I did last week in the Land of Milk & Honey:
1) Got "Mary was a slut!" tattooed on my chest in the middle of the Church of the Holy Sepulcher;
2) Walked onto the Temple of the Mount wearing a "Muhammad Was a Pussy!" T-shirt;
3) Led a Gay Pride parade while blaring "It's Raining Men" on my ghetto blaster through Meah Shearim on the Holy Sabbath;
4) Threw rocks and Molotov cocktails at Israeli soldiers while surrounded by women and children;
5) Demolished Palestinian homes with a Caterpillar bulldozer;
6) Snuck Sudanese refugees past security;
7) Evicted 3 entire settlements from the West Bank;
8) Gave a lecture at Gaza University on "The Myth of the Law of Return; '... And Don't Come Back!'"
9) Openly proclaimed the existence of the Israeli nuclear weapons program; and
10) Led a Holocaust denial rally at Yad Vashem.
All in all, it was a great trip.