Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Tuesday List: Things to Do in Israel When You're not Dead, But Only Mildly Decayed

This is what I did last week in the Land of Milk & Honey:

1) Got "Mary was a slut!" tattooed on my chest in the middle of the Church of the Holy Sepulcher;

2) Walked onto the Temple of the Mount wearing a "Muhammad Was a Pussy!" T-shirt;

3) Led a Gay Pride parade while blaring "It's Raining Men" on my ghetto blaster through Meah Shearim on the Holy Sabbath;

4) Threw rocks and Molotov cocktails at Israeli soldiers while surrounded by women and children;

5) Demolished Palestinian homes with a Caterpillar bulldozer;

6) Snuck Sudanese refugees past security;

7) Evicted 3 entire settlements from the West Bank;

8) Gave a lecture at Gaza University on "The Myth of the Law of Return; '... And Don't Come Back!'"

9) Openly proclaimed the existence of the Israeli nuclear weapons program; and

10) Led a Holocaust denial rally at Yad Vashem.

All in all, it was a great trip.


Sam said...

Mary was a slut?

Pants Wearer said...

Are you kidding? She knew poor Joseph would be naive enough to fall for the whole "well, god knocked me up" thing. What she didn't count on was the ability of billions of people to delude themselves.