If you wanted to curse your own football team, what would you do in the offseason? Spit in a voodoo witch's soup? Slaughter a baby goat in the endzone? Wear Packer green and yellow without showering until they kick you out of your Overeaters Anonymous group?
Or...hire Rod Marinelli? Ding ding ding! Come on down, Chicago Bears coach Lovie Smith! Seriously, is there anything about last year's Detroit Lions - record-breakingly bad 0-16, coached by one Rod Marinelli - that you'd want to bring to your team? Other than Rod's winning smile, I mean. Seriously, check out his pics online - he's dreammmmmy.
But if there's anyone in the world that wanted to see Mr. Marinelli on the opposing sideline, it would be Cedric Fucking Benson. And the only person he'd want to see more would be the guy who trashed him to the rest of the league last year - me. Er, make that EVERY SINGLE BEARS FAN OVER THE PAST 4 YEARS.
So what did CB do? He fucked us all, is what he did. Crybaby Sulkypants looked positively Rexy, throwing a couple more picks while Matt Forte continued his assault on fantasy football owners, by running for nothing on way too many attempts. Is there a sophomore slump for running backs that I'm not aware of? Or is it just the curse of Rod fucking Marinelli?
He has wrecked the Bears defensive line. Singlehandedly. Could it be injuries to Urlacher, and the departure of a few quality safeties? Maybe. Could it be the complete disappearance of one Tommie Harris?
All I know is, the Bears had a defense last year, and then they hired Rod fucking Marinelli, and now they have 11 seahorses. I love seahorses! But I hate losing. So go away, seahorses.
Cedric Fucking Benson! What the hell?