Wednesday, June 11, 2008

What's really important: Goodbye, Cedric!

Sure, I could write about Mort Klein delivering this year's principles at the AIPAC conference. And I could talk about Obama choosing Jim Johnson to head his VP search, and then dropping him the day after when everyone else found out about his Countrywide problem.

But instead I'm going to talk about Cedric Benson. If you haven't heard, Cedric has been released by the Bears for getting busted - again - for DUI. At least this time it was on dry land.

I've given CB a hard time over his performance on the field. I've prayed for awful things to happen to him. Gonorrhea, spontaneous combustion, the gout - all of these maladies have been wished on Benson's head by me. And for the most part, he's deserved it. He has no breakaway speed, he can't pound the line, and he doesn't cut back. He also can't block very well, and he's not an effective receiver out of the backfield. And yet the Bears traded away Thomas Jones - who was not only better, but cheaper - to give Benson more carries.

And now what do we have? The Bears running backs (along with some interesting "personal facts") are:

Adrian Peterson the Lesser - never pretends to be AP the Greater, despite strong prodding by his wife, offensive line, coach, and fans.

Matt Lawrence (rookie) - eats a bowl of monkey intestines before every game.

Matt Forte (rookie) -
had a strong Heisman campaign

that I only just heard about this second.

PJ Pope - "PJ" stands for Pants, Jogging. His parents are surrealist fitness nuts.

Garrett Wolfe - played football to get back at his father Tom, who only understands brute force, astronauts, and white suits. Drink that Kool-Aid Acid Test, Pops!

Aside from APtL, I have no idea who these guys are. But I'm guessing we're going to see a lot of them this season. So let me make 2 bold predictions:

The Bears offense will once again rely on the sturdy, safe shoulders of one Rex "Sex Cannon" Grossman; and

I will not once wish we still had CB4 in the backfield. Goodbye, Boozie Fumblestein.

1 comment:

Yehuda said...

i vote for matt forte who has the fortetude to keep his eye on the play even with all the whistles in the background