Monday, October 22, 2007

Sorry Mr. Halas

I am not a good fan. Unworthy to wear the blue and orange.

I went to watch the game with my friend Philly Boy, decked out in his Eagles finest. We shared a bench, some homoerotic caressing explained away as high-fiving, and a plate of nachos, while watching our teams ineptly try to play the great game of football. All around us on the other TV's were visions of proper tackling, of big plays and red-zone offenses that actually led to touchdowns (the Titans’ achievement notwithstanding).

We watched as McNabb, the Bears' future prodigal son, over- and underthrew receivers who dropped even his well-placed passes. We railed against the ineptitude of our defenders as running backs and receivers somehow slipped through grasping hands, and arm tackles. I cursed the only effective Eagles strategy, that of kicking away from Devin Hester. Maybe people are picking up on the fact that he can’t score unless he touches the ball. Hell, if Andy Reid can figure it out, who’s next? Tom Coughlin? Mike Sherman?

Here we are, then: my moment of shame. Having watched McNabb somehow slice and dice the Bears for a go-ahead touchdown, and knowing the Bears had already squandered their timeouts, and understanding that it was not John Elway under center, nor was it Joe Montana, or Johnny Unitas, or even Don F-ing Majkowski, I expected the game to be over.

Obviously I was mistaken.

Which is less expected – Brian Griese leading a brutally effective 2-minute drill culminating in a game-winning touchdown bullet to the Moooooose, or the Spanish Inquisition? Well, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition, but at least their chief weapons are surprise, fear, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms.

And Brian Griese has Muhsin Mohammed, Greg Olsen, Devin Hester (who by now everyone expects), Desmond Clark, and Cedric Benson. So, we’re going to have to go with Griese’s achievement. But is this just another Bears QB tease, like the Neckbeard’s sexy sexiness, or any of Rex Grossman’s passes that weren’t picked off? I can only assume yes.

But then, since I’m a completely worthless fan, who am I to cast stones?

We're going to try a poll question, maybe mix things up a bit. Answer at your leisure, but only if you pronounce it le-shure, and not lee-shure. Because here at the Fancy Pants, we love British crap.

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