I am cursed with a special torture. Everywhere I go, the home team wins a championship.
Once I thought this was a mere coincidence. In high school, when I was exiled from
Then, I went to college in the Big Rotten Suck-Ass Apple, and the Yankees go on a tear. I can’t rationalize the Marlins in ’97, though – I don’t even think G-d has a decent excuse for that nonsense.
Now, here in patriotism’s birth canal, I have seen the Patriots become a dynasty, and the Red Sox end 458 years of futility. This phenomenon can no longer be rationalized with some karmic quadratic equation. I am damned to watch other’s teams shower themselves in champagne like so much acid rain.
So here’s what I’m going to do. All those cities out there that could really benefit from one of their teams winning it all will get to bid for my services. Minimum bid is a house, couple of cars, and $1 million, post-tax, in cash.