Tuesday, October 13, 2009

And...we're back

The holidays are over, finally. And no, that's not an excuse for not writing more. You know what's great, though? I don't have to apologize - thanks to Yom Kippur, I'm clean as a whistle (which, by the way, makes no sense at all, if you think about it), so you can kiss my blogger ass.

No, that's the escape key. Wait, if you just mo- no, that' s my elbow. Turn ar- why is your foot there? It's just - if you'll stop - forget it. Just lean toward your monitor, and kiss the screen, and imagine my ass.

You're welcome.

Anyhoo, there was some crazy nonsense this past week. First, this happened:

And I have to say, it was GLORIOUS. We didn't get actual shots of the finished product because you know, holy Sabbath and all, but all the layers were there, and the stuffing was moist and delicious, and it was just...fantastic. I'm very happy to have done it, and now I'll probably never do it again. What a pain in the ass. Maybe for Child's wedding, if he happens to marry a vegetarian whose best friend growing up was a little duckling named Nibbles. That would be worth it, just to see if she laughs or cries.

Then, Neckbeard scares the birds living under his chin by throwing for over 300 yards against the Patriots, of all teams. What, exactly, is going on in Denver? Is it really just the change from Bernie Berrian, Bobby Wade and Desmond Clark to Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal? Probably. It could also have something to do with that whole offensive line thing, but what do I know.

And finally, Cedric Benson - who, admit it, you all thought you tossed him some pocket change outside the supermarket last week - broke the Ravens' streak of not allowing a 100-yard rusher at 39 games.

CEDRIC! BENSON! I know, right? Left is right, up is down, and people who haven't done really anything are winning Nobel Peace Prizes.

Yeah, about that...they know he's not Morgan Freeman, right? Peace really had a crappy year for them to honor Obama. And I love the guy! Rush Limbaugh's head would have popped right off when he heard the news, if hadn't already sold it for Vicodin. Glenn Beck wept for days and days, gnashing his teeth and doing that whole bug-eyed thing. But Jebus, that was too much. Oh those Europeans, so silly, so smelly.