While many of you were celebrating Jesus' birthday (poor kid, he always gets screwed because it's on Christmas), I was basking in the reflected, protracted glory that was the Bears' victory over Old Man Vicodin. Wait, did I say victory? I meant SWEEP, suckas. Sure, we missed the playoffs, becoming yet another example of the Super Bowl Hangover. But the season was not lost, because we put the smackdown on those green-and-yellow freaks. Say what you want about tradition, but those uniforms are hideous. Much like Green Bay women (oh no, he didn't. Yes, yes he did!).
Urlacher is now back on my happy list, with that phenomenal pick-six, his first since '01. And of course there were the plethora of flubbed and blocked punts, directly attributable to the Packers' terror at our patchwork front four. I think Robbie from Wrigley Red Hots started at defensive end on Sunday.
And there was the Neckbeard, completing passes all over the field. Over 50%! It's a Christmas miracle! Adrian Peterson the Lesser showed he's not Lesser by much, gashing the Packer defense for 100+ yards. A blowout, and Kali doesn't even score? Who knew it was possible?
I've been adamant about my desire for Fav-ruh to retire finally, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe he should come back, just so we can knock the walker out of his shaking hands.